IN
HIS EYES
mdb
I
call his name, "Joshua". He does not acknowledge my voice. Peeking in
his bedroom door I find him happily playing with his alphabet blocks, right arm
wrapped around his best friend, a colorful stuffed teddy bear. Content in his
own little world, absorbed in the colors, shapes and sounds of his toys, his
mind is focused on what gives him pleasure. Any outside interference, even the
voice of his father, is ignored.
My
2-year old autistic son Joshua, the apple of my eye, knows not that my call is
an invitation to dinner. To come sit with his Mama and Papa, through whom he
received life, and who love him without condition. We want to share with him
that which will nourish and strengthen him. When he finally, slowly, does
respond, he is still hesitant to leave his toys that fill him with so much
delight.
My
love for this beautiful child goes deep into my soul, and I yearn to
communicate with him, father to son. Oh to have Joshua covet time with me that
I may impart to him what I have experienced and learned about life, love and
our Lord. I want only the best for this little one whom God has given me, and
to see all His will fulfilled in his life.
Walking
now with me to the dining room I feel his little hand pull away from mine as he
bends down to pick up an Elmo book. Often distracted by somethi ng that
interests him, Joshua will pour his attention into it, until boredom overcomes
him and he seeks to be entertained elsewhere. Does that trait come from me, or
his autism, or from the nature of man?
~
The
alarm sounds separating me once again from sleep, from that dimension only
known in dreams. Opening my eyes, I kiss my wife's cheek, plant my feet on the
floor and head for the coffee pot. I glance again to my wife, thinking I heard
her softly whisper my name. But her pretty head still rests quietly on the
pillow.
Gulping
black coffee at my desk, with my mind elsewhere, I read a short devotion, which
concludes with a verse from Revelation 3:20, "Behold, I stand at the
door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to
him and dine with him, and he with Me." 'Good Word' I think to myself.
Then with a quick thanks to God for the day I rise from my chair and head out
to the garage.
The
morning light of the sun appears through the trees as I prepare for the start
of my long trek to work. I pause to look back toward the door - did someone
call my name? Seeing no one, I return to loading my truck, my mind absorbed
with the days agenda. Materials and tools are loaded. Oh, can’t forget the
delicious lunch my sweetheart packed for me. Or my phone - can’t leave home
without that. So out of the driveway I go. Flipping on my favorite radio
station, my mind begins to recheck my schedule, focusing on the tasks at hand.
But a nagging thought persists... Had someone called my name?
Amid
the distractions and my own plans for the day, I ignored the voice of the One
beckoning me to join Him at His table. Hurrying about my business, I heard not
that knock upon the door, or that still small voice inviting me to come dine
with Him. In the hand of Him who loves me is that daily Bread, the substance of
eternal Life He desires to share with me.
Just
like my little boy, how often my mind becomes focused on one thing or another
to the exclusion of most everything else, in both the physical and, more
importantly, spiritual realms. Likewise, how easily I can become sidetracked
even as I am walking with my Father. As that longing to converse with my son increases,
and the wish I would be more important to him than his toys, I remember that my
heavenly Father Himself is a jealous God. Do I treat the Lord as Joshua
sometimes behaves toward me?
When
I finally slow down, set my mind on Christ and take time to listen, it dawns on
me that the relationship I long to have with my son is the same that God longs
to have with me; that loving relationship of Father to son. And I catch a
glimpse of how I look to my heavenly Father - in His eyes.
